The bag is new. So are the shoes. And then comes the question that everyone who is active in suggestion dating knows: „Where did you get that?“
It's a question that sounds harmless - and yet it sets the pulse racing. Because the honest answer is complicated. Not because you are doing something wrong, but because most people have a distorted view of this world. Those who don't know, What a sugar daddy really is, is quick to think in clichés. And correcting clichés takes energy that you sometimes simply don't have.
So how do you deal with it? Who do you tell? And how much do those around you need to know? This article goes through exactly these questions - without patent remedies, but with empirical values that have proven themselves in practice.
Not everyone needs to know everything
The first and most important point: you don't owe anyone an explanation about your private life. Neither your best friend nor your mum. That sounds cool, but it's simply a question of self-determination. You decide who gets access to what information.
Nevertheless - and most sugar babies know this - there are people you want to confide in. Because it is relieving, because you need someone who knows in an emergency, or simply because silence becomes exhausting in the long run. The question is not if, but to whom.
Make a conscious choice. A close friend who knows you and doesn't rush to judgement. A brother who is discreet. Maybe a flatmate you trust. There are many different types of sugar daddies - and the reactions you can expect are just as different. The better you know the person you are opening up to, the more predictable their reaction will be.
Important: Ask the person to respect your privacy. Not everyone understands the difference between sugar dating and escorts - although the differences are fundamental. Those who are not informed fill in the gaps with what they know from films or tabloid media. And that usually has little to do with reality.
One more thought: some people deliberately choose someone outside their closest circle as a confidant - a colleague, a former fellow student, someone who has enough distance to react soberly. This can be wiser than telling your best friend, who is too emotionally close to remain objective.
Being honest without exposing yourself completely
If you decide to tell someone about it, the next question immediately arises: How much do you say?
A typical mistake lurks here. Many people try to work with invented stories - the „friend“ who gave the necklace or the supposed inheritance that will finance the winter holiday. The problem: lies have to be managed. They become more complicated, more contradictory, and at some point they are exposed. Then a harmless situation becomes a real problem of trust.
A better approach: Tell the truth, but not the whole truth. You can explain that you have met someone who supports and encourages you - both professionally and personally. That it's a kind of mentoring where you enrich each other. Sugar daddies can actually be valuable mentors, and that is not a whitewash, but the reality for many.
The phrase „I accompany someone to events and functions, and the gifts are part of that connection“ is honest without revealing details that are no one else's business. The key is to exude confidence. If you explain nervously, you look like you have something to hide. Those who answer calmly and matter-of-factly are signalling: This is my life and I am in control of it.
On the other hand, there are situations in which half-truths are not enough - for example, when someone asks directly if you have a sugar daddy. In such moments, it helps to be prepared. Not with a rehearsed answer, but with a clear inner attitude. You know what you're doing and why. That alone makes the difference.
The family's reaction - the most difficult chapter
It's often relatively easy to explain to friends. With family, it becomes more difficult - and this has less to do with morality than with emotional closeness. Parents worry. That's their job. And a situation that they can't categorise increases this worry.
Whether you tell your family depends on many factors: How open is communication in general? How conservative or liberal is the environment? A student in Berlin-Prenzlauer Berg whose parents are themselves in an unconventional relationship is faced with a completely different situation than someone from a traditional family in Upper Bavaria or the Bergisches Land.
There is no right or wrong. Some tell people and are surprised at how calm the reaction is. Others deliberately keep it to themselves - not out of shame, but because they know that the conversation would cause more unrest than clarity. Both decisions are perfectly fine.
If you decide to broach the subject: Calmly explain what it's really about. That you are in control. That you feel good about it. That it will help you achieve your goals - be it studying, further education or simply a lifestyle that is good for you. Experiences of other Sugar Babies show that it is precisely this self-confidence that makes the difference.
What you should be prepared for: The first reaction is rarely the final one. Parents often need time to process new information. What triggers horror during the first conversation can lead to a more relaxed attitude after a few weeks - provided you give them the space to do so and don't push for immediate acceptance.
Discretion is not a game of hide-and-seek
A point that is often confused: Discretion does not mean that you are ashamed. It means that you consciously decide which parts of your life are public and which are not. Everyone does this - in every kind of relationship.
Especially as a student or young professional, a certain restraint makes sense. Not because there's anything wrong with your lifestyle, but because envy and curiosity are real forces in Germany - just like everywhere else. If you're suddenly walking around the university in Heidelberg in a new outfit or spending a weekend on Sylt, people will ask. That's human. But you don't have to answer everyone.
In practical terms, this means: enjoy the benefits that this lifestyle offers you, but share them consciously. Expensive gifts don't have to end up on Instagram. A dinner together at Tantris in Munich doesn't have to appear in your story. A good sugar baby profile is attractive without compromising your privacy - and this principle also applies outside the platform.
By the way, this doesn't just apply to you. Your sugar daddy also usually has good reasons for discretion - professional position, family, social environment. A businessman from the Stuttgart area or an entrepreneur from Leipzig will probably not want his private life to be discussed in public. Respecting this mutual discretion lays the foundation for a relationship based on trust rather than fear of discovery.
Everyday life between two worlds
In a way, living as a sugar baby means living in two worlds - and that's less dramatic than it sounds. Lectures at Cologne University on Mondays, dinner at the boathouse on the Rhine on Wednesdays. Fridays with friends in the pub in the Belgian Quarter, a trip to Baden-Baden at the weekend.
The trick is not to strictly separate these worlds, but to allow them to coexist naturally. Sometimes you drive to university in your sugar daddy's car. Most of the time you take the underground like everyone else. The secret is not a mask - it is simply the fact that not every aspect of your life is meant for everyone.
What helps is an awareness of how you present yourself. Modesty is not a sign of weakness, but of wisdom. Those who don't flaunt their lifestyle provoke fewer questions - and have more time to actually enjoy the beautiful aspects of it.
Safety always comes first
One last, but crucial point: regardless of how much you tell those around you At least one person should always know where you are and who you are meeting.
Protect yourself from salt daddies and fakes - This is not scaremongering, but pragmatism. The vast majority of meetings are pleasant and respectful. Nevertheless, it makes sense to take precautions: Share your location with someone you trust, agree on a code word for emergencies, and always meet in a public place the first time. Our safety instructions go into these points in more detail.
The paradox is that these very safety measures can be the gateway to telling someone close to you about your lifestyle. „I meet up with someone regularly and would feel more comfortable if you knew where I was“ - this is a sentence that doesn't require long explanations and yet creates the most important basis: having someone who knows in case of an emergency.
Your life, your rules
There is no perfect way to deal with the issue. Some sugar babies live with it completely openly, others keep it completely to themselves. Both work - as long as you feel comfortable with it and don't feel like you have to pretend.
What really counts: That you know why you are doing what you are doing. That you stay in control. And that you choose the people you trust - just as carefully as you choose which sugar daddy you spend your time with. In the end, it's your path, and no one has to fully understand it but you.
You may also be interested in: 10 ways to keep your POT.
Frequently asked questions: What do I tell my family?
That depends entirely on your situation. You don't have to, but if you do, choose carefully who you confide in. Focus on people who are close to you and who you consider to be understanding. Explain calmly what the issue is - without having to justify yourself.
Describe it as a friendship with someone who supports and encourages you - both professionally and personally. You accompany him to events and dinners, and some of the gifts come from this connection. This description is honest without giving away too many details.
Explain the difference objectively: Sugar dating is based on friendship, mentoring and mutual appreciation - not on the exchange of services. If the person is open to it, you can also explain that your sugar daddy will support you in your goals and that you will have a long-term relationship as equals.
Enjoy your gifts, but use them consciously. You don't necessarily wear expensive pieces in situations where they will provoke questions. If someone does ask, a simple explanation is enough - for example, that they come from a friendship or were created at a joint event.
Yes, especially at the beginning. Social pressure and internalised judgements play a role in this. Remind yourself that it's your choice and you are in control. If the lifestyle makes you happy and helps you achieve your goals, there's no need for guilt. A clear separation between your personal life and your dating life can help.
