Another article was about this, how to get a POT to want to stay with you. But what if you want exactly the opposite? When the spark is missing, the gut feeling isn't right or you realise after the first meeting that it's just not right - no matter how charming or generous the other person may be?
Many people find it difficult to say no. Not just when dating, but in general - and in Germany, where politeness and directness are in a strangely tense relationship, the topic is particularly sensitive. Understanding what a sugar daddy is really looking for, However, it helps to better categorise such situations. Because there is no malice behind most messages on platforms like sugardaddyDeutschlands®. The majority of men there are simply looking for someone they feel comfortable with - company, good conversation, a connection at eye level. Incidentally, this has little to do with the image that certain media portray of this world.
Before you even get involved in a meeting, it's worth checking the Tips for a successful agreement to know. That way, you know in advance what you should pay attention to - and when it's better to take a step back. That's what this is all about: How to say no elegantly, respectfully and clearly, without unnecessary drama or bruised egos.
First of all, such situations are the exception. The vast majority of contacts are polite and uncomplicated. We are talking about the few cases in which a clear no is necessary - and the art of communicating it correctly.
You don't owe anyone an explanation
The most important principle, and it cannot be repeated often enough: You are not obliged to do anything. Not to a meeting. Not to an answer. Not to explain why you're not interested.
If you realise after a few messages that the chemistry isn't right, a friendly sentence is enough. Something like: „I'm sorry, unfortunately I don't see it that way. I wish you all the best.“ Short, polite, final. No novel, no apology for your decision, no attempt to break it to him in a particularly gentle way. To be honest, in most cases this comes across more confidently than any detailed explanation.
If he asks for a reason anyway - you don't have to provide one. Everyone has the right to decide who they spend their time with without justification. This applies just as much to a coffee meeting in Leipzig-Connewitz as it does to a dinner at the Breidenbacher Hof in Düsseldorf. If you don't respect this right, you're actually just confirming your decision.
A detail that many Sugar Babies share from experience: Those who set clear boundaries from the outset will be rewarded with better contacts in the long term. That sounds paradoxical - but if you show that you know your standards, you will attract exactly the kind of people who respect these standards. If he continues to write anyway, you can either stop replying or clearly state: „Please don't write to me again.“ How to stay safe when dating in general, always forms the basis for this.
Respect goes both ways
Sometimes the man is nice. Attentive. Perhaps even charming. He's made an effort, chosen a nice restaurant, picked up the bill, asked interesting questions. And yet the spark doesn't ignite.
This happens. More often than you think. And it's absolutely no reason to feel bad. However, it is a very good reason to be honest - both with yourself and with him. What sets you apart as a sugar baby, is also (and especially) evident in moments like these.
Thank them for meeting you and calmly explain that you don't feel a connection that would be enough for more. That's not an affront. It's respect - and to be honest, most men appreciate this directness, even if the moment is uncomfortable. Anyone who works in the business world of Hamburg-Blankenese or in the banking district of Frankfurt knows about clear communication. What is valued in professional life is no less true in dating.
A point that many people forget: Your sugar daddy has feelings too. He may have been happy, created his profile carefully, written messages that took time and thought. Recognising this - even if you're not interested - costs you nothing and leaves a good impression. The scene in Germany is smaller than you might think. Word gets around about reputation and behaviour, even on digital platforms.
Incidentally, there is a golden rule for first meetings: always in a public place. A café in Cologne's Carlstadt neighbourhood, a bistro in the west of Stuttgart, a wine bar in Frankfurt's Nordend district. The choice of location not only signals taste, but also gives both parties the security of getting to know each other in peace - without pressure and without the obligation to stay longer than you would like.
Why half-hearted excuses make everything worse
Now it gets honest. Many of us - and this doesn't just apply to sugar babies, but to people in general - tend to avoid conflict by avoiding it. „I've got a lot on my plate right now.“ „It's not convenient this week.“ „Maybe next month.“ Sounds harmless, but often causes more damage than a direct no.
Even if it sounds tempting to stay in touch as friends - don't do it. At least not if you're not serious. An open door for future messages almost always leads to misunderstandings and prolongs a situation that should have ended long ago.
I once had two dates with someone I met via the platform. He was a management consultant from the Hanover area, polite, courteous - but I was missing something. Because I was new at the time, I pushed typical excuses: University stress, no time, too much going on. It took him two weeks to understand that I was avoiding him. And then his ego was hurt, which only made things worse. Messages continued to come in for a month, including from other numbers. My mistake was not being honest straight away. If I had made it clear after the second meeting that it wasn't right for me, we would both have been spared a lot.
The lesson: Clarity is not an attack. It's a gift - for both sides. If you say what's going on right from the start, you avoid weeks of message loops and protect not only yourself but also the other person from unnecessary frustration. In an environment where you can reconnect via the platform at any time, a clean break is the best start for the next encounter.
Your number is yours
A point that is particularly relevant for beginners and that many only learn after an unpleasant experience: Don't give out your phone number too soon.
It sounds banal, but it can save you a surprising amount of trouble. You can communicate easily via the platform's messaging function - that's what it's there for. If you would rather switch to an external messenger, you can use Kik or Telegram, as both only require a user name and do not reveal your mobile phone number.
If your sugar daddy asks for your number (and this is completely normal if you're seriously interested), a simple: „I'll be happy to give it to you as soon as I feel comfortable. Unfortunately, I've had some bad experiences.“ Most people respond with understanding. In fact, the reaction to this request is often a pretty good indicator: someone who respects your boundaries will probably do the same in other areas. And who doesn't? It gives you a very clear signal that you should take seriously.
Incidentally, this doesn't just apply to the telephone number. It is also worth being careful with personal details such as workplace, address or full name - at least until a certain level of trust has been established. Privacy is traditionally very important in Germany, and that's a good thing.
The second meeting - setting the course
One aspect that is missing from many guides: What should you do if you are unsure after the first date? Not every first date provides a clear answer. Sometimes the evening was nice, but not convincing. Sometimes you were nervous yourself and have difficulty assessing the chemistry.
A second date can make sense - but only if you do it out of genuine interest and not out of pity or convenience. If you already know that you're not interested, a second date is nothing more than a postponed cancellation. And that only becomes more difficult because he understandably thinks it's going in the right direction.
On the other hand, if you are really unsure and communicate this to him openly - for example with „I'm not sure yet, but would like to meet you again to find out how I feel“ - then this is an honest statement. Most people will appreciate this because it shows that you're taking the matter seriously and not stringing him along.
The difference lies in the intention. Are you meeting up because you're curious? Good. Are you meeting because you want to avoid a no? Don't.
When politeness is no longer enough
In rare cases - and it has to be said clearly: these are really rare cases - someone simply won't take no for an answer. They become pushy, the tone of their messages changes, they may even try to put you under pressure or make you feel guilty.
That is a clear limit. From here on, only one thing applies: block. No further discussion, no attempt to explain, no second chance to talk. Anyone who ignores a clear no has forfeited the right to be polite.
You should know how to protect yourself and recognise so-called Salt Daddies. These are people who give the appearance of generosity but are actually pursuing manipulative intentions. They are rare, but they do exist - and the better you identify them early on, the less energy you waste.
On sugardaddyDeutschlands® you can report such behaviour directly via info@sugardaddydeutschlands.de or the contact form. The platform thrives on the quality of its community, and reports help to make it safer for everyone involved.
No as a strength
Perhaps the most important thought at the end: Saying no is not a weakness. It is one of the clearest forms of self-respect there is. In a culture that values politeness and harmony (and yes, this is especially true in Germany, despite its reputation for directness), it is easy to put your own needs aside in order to avoid conflict.
But a Sugar Baby who knows and communicates their boundaries is not a difficult person. On the contrary - it shows maturity, clarity and the kind of self-confidence that attracts exactly the right connections in the long term. The people who respect your no are the same people who deserve your yes. And those who don't? You wouldn't have wanted them by your side anyway.
Whether you are just starting out on the platform or have already gained some experience - developing this skill always pays off. Not just in dating. But wherever you decide who you share your time and energy with.
You may also be interested in: Lessons and secrets from 5 experienced sugar babies.
FAQs to avoid giving false hope
Remain friendly and sincere without getting lost in long explanations. Thank them for their time together and say openly that you don't feel a connection. A firm but respectful tone is the most effective way to avoid misunderstandings.
Be clearer: „Please don't contact me again.“ If this doesn't change anything, use the platform's block function. At sugardaddyDeutschlands® you can also report the behaviour to support. Your safety and well-being always come first - you don't have to justify your behaviour.
Rather not. What is meant as a nice gesture is often taken by the other person as an invitation to keep trying. This only prolongs an unpleasant situation. Clear intentions from the outset protect both sides from unnecessary misunderstandings.
Be friendly, but make your intentions clear early on. If you don't feel a connection, say so before expectations grow. Always meet in a public place for the first time - a café or restaurant will give you the security you need to find out whether you can imagine more.
Catching up honestly is better than continuing to evade. Thank them for the time you spent together, but make it clear that you don't want to continue. The longer you wait, the more difficult it will be - for both of you. A direct conversation or an honest message is always better than weeks of avoidance.
