There is a moment in every new relationship that makes many women uncomfortable: the conversation about the agreement. What do I expect? What can he offer? How do I say it without it feeling like a salary negotiation? On platforms such as sugardaddyDeutschlands Sugar babies precisely these questions - in comments, in the news, in private conversations.
The truth is: talking about the terms of a relationship is not an unpleasant evil - it's the foundation for everything that comes after. If you communicate clearly from the outset what you want, you will avoid disappointment, misunderstandings and, in the worst case, the feeling of being taken advantage of. A good agreement protects both sides - it provides structure without taking away the lightness of touch. And it distinguishes a serious arrangement from a vague promise that leads nowhere.
Below you will find ten specific tips to help you conduct this conversation confidently and self-assuredly - regardless of whether you are just starting out or already have experience. Because one thing is certain: Recognising incorrect agreements starts with knowing what a good one looks like.
1. don't be afraid to broach the subject
The most important step to getting what you want is to ask for it. It sounds simple, but it's not - especially if you're still feeling insecure or the relationship is just starting. Many women in Berlin, Hamburg or Munich know the feeling: you're sitting in a nice restaurant on your first date, the chemistry is right, but the topic of money feels like an elephant in the room. That's normal - but it still has to come up at some point.
Take the time you need to feel comfortable in the conversation - but don't wait too long. No more than one or two meetings should go by without at least hinting at mutual expectations. Anything else is a waste of your time and his. A sugar daddy who is genuinely interested will respect the conversation - and often even be relieved that you bring it up, because it can also be uncomfortable for him to open the subject.
2. show your value before you talk about expectations
Before you talk about financial aspects, let him experience why you are special. This doesn't mean you have to prove yourself - but a good first impression lays the foundation for any negotiation. Show interest in his life, his work, his stories. Standing out from the crowd as a woman does not mean being perfect, but authentic.
An experienced businessman from Frankfurt or Düsseldorf will immediately recognise whether someone is genuinely interested or just looking for a transaction. If he appreciates your charm, your intelligence and your company, the conversation about the deal will be more natural and fair. And often he will bring up the subject himself because he wants to maintain the connection. A strong profile with good photos lays the foundation even before the first meeting - because the first impression begins online, not at the table.
Don't be afraid of a non-binding first date. Some relationships need a little time to get going, and a coffee together in a café on Jungfernstieg or a walk through the English Garden can reveal more about the dynamic between you than any message. The only important thing is: don't make any advance arrangements before the general conditions have been clarified. Your aim at the first meeting is to find out whether the chemistry is right and whether he is seriously interested in an arrangement.
3. think bigger than just money
A good arrangement is more than just a number. It includes the frequency of meetings, shared experiences, gifts, travel, mentoring and sometimes professional support. A student in Heidelberg who receives career advice from an experienced entrepreneur may benefit more in the long term than from a fixed monthly sum. And a short holiday together on Lake Garda or a visit to the Semper Opera in Dresden can be more valuable than any bank transfer.
Before the interview, think about what your ideal relationship would involve. Would you like to meet regularly for dinner? Travelling together? Help with tuition fees? Access to a network? The clearer you know what you want, the better you can communicate it. The different relationship types show how different agreements can look - there is no standard model. A woman studying law in Bonn who is looking for mentoring has completely different priorities to someone in the Berlin start-up scene who needs financial support for her own project.
Communicate clearly
Say openly what you want - politely, but directly. A man who appreciates clarity will respect your candour. Vague hints only lead to misunderstandings and frustration on both sides.
Know your own value
You contribute time, energy, attention and company to the association. This should not be taken for granted. If you know your own worth, you negotiate more confidently and don't accept conditions that feel wrong.
Stay flexible
Not every connection fits into a rigid mould. Sometimes an agreement where the chemistry is right and the conditions almost fit is more valuable than a perfect deal with the wrong person.
4. use a call as a preliminary stage
If the topic is too uncomfortable for you to discuss in person, a phone call or video call can be a good preliminary step. You get a feel for his reaction without the pressure of a face-to-face meeting. At the same time, a video call protects you from dubious contacts - Tricks for recognising fakes and salt daddies, work best when you hear and see the person.
However, face-to-face conversations are usually more productive. If you can look him in the eye, read his body language and he sees yours, different dynamics are created than in a text message. Facial expressions, tone of voice, pauses - all of these convey information that is lost in a written message. Ideally, you should use the call to prepare the ground - and then have the actual conversation at the next meeting, whether in a quiet café in the south of Cologne or on a walk along the banks of the Alster in Hamburg. The transition from phone call to face-to-face conversation then feels natural because the topic is no longer completely new.
5. research what is realistic
Before you enter into a conversation about conditions, you should have a realistic idea of what the other person can offer. This doesn't mean studying his bank statements - but a look at his profession, lifestyle and living conditions will give you some clues. A self-employed IT entrepreneur in Munich will have different opportunities than an employee in a mid-level position in Kassel. The city also plays a role: the cost of living in Hamburg or Frankfurt is higher than in many smaller cities, and this is often reflected in what a man is prepared to invest.
Be careful with men who immediately offer you large sums of money for an overnight stay. This is usually not a sign of generosity, but a warning sign. Serious sugar dating works differently - it is based on a connection that goes beyond individual meetings. The qualities that characterise a good sugar daddy, have little to do with quick offers and a lot to do with reliability and respect. A serious man will never make you feel like a commodity - he will treat you as a partner, not a service provider.
6 Ideally, let him make the start
In most cases, a seriously interested man will bring up the subject himself - or at least send clear signals. He will ask what you have in mind, what motivates you, how you would like the relationship to be. If he does this, it's a good sign: It shows that he has experience and wants to put the relationship on a solid footing.
If he doesn't bring it up, you can initiate the conversation indirectly. Ask him if he has had previous relationships and what they were like. Ask about his ideal image. Questions like these are an elegant way of approaching the topic without directly putting a number on it. Experienced women on Sugar Daddy Planet and similar platforms report that this indirect method works particularly well in the first few conversations - it signals interest and maturity at the same time.
If his expectations are lower than yours, respond calmly and objectively. A simple „I had imagined something more along the lines of ...“ opens a negotiation without confrontation. Don't argue about what's fair - instead, ask for what's right for you. This difference is subtle but crucial: fairness is relative, your needs are concrete.
7. consider all factors in your assessment
What you can expect from a connection depends on several factors - not just the other person's income. Consider the frequency of meetings: Someone who wants to see you twice a week will invest more time than someone who plans dinner once a month. Exclusivity also plays a role - if he expects exclusivity, the agreement should reflect that.
There are also additional factors: Does he cover the costs of your studies at the TU Dresden or the University of Stuttgart? Does he regularly give you presents? Does he plan weekend trips together to Lake Starnberg or Sylt? All of this has a value that goes beyond a monthly figure. Some arrangements involve a combination of financial support and experience-orientated generosity - and it is precisely this mixture that makes them so attractive to many women.
The emotional aspect should not be underestimated either: A conversation with an experienced businessman who gives you advice for your career can be more valuable in the long term than any money transfer. Tips for handling a POT help you to conduct these conversations strategically and not forget anything important.
8. demand what you are entitled to - without justifying yourself
Negotiating an agreement is not a request for a handout. You are negotiating the framework of a relationship to which you contribute time, attention, energy and companionship. This has value - and a smart man knows that. He's not giving you something out of pure kindness; he's investing in a connection that benefits him too. It's not a transaction, but a mutual arrangement in which both sides win.
Some men react with surprise when you clearly formulate your expectations. Some ask what you need the money for, as if you have to justify it. You don't have to. Your reasons are your own business - whether it's rent in the expensive city centre of Munich, tuition fees in Mannheim or simply the desire for financial independence. If you don't respect that, you're probably not the right partner for a respectful relationship.
This is an important principle that many women in suggestive dating only internalise over time: You're not just negotiating about money - you're setting the framework in which your entire relationship takes place. If you give in to the agreement even though it feels wrong, you will feel this imbalance in the entire relationship. The best relationships in this world are based on a clear, fair basis that satisfies both sides - whether in a restaurant in Wiesbaden, at a concert in the Elbphilharmonie or on a weekend at Lake Tegernsee.
9. be prepared to say no
There is one important rule that many experienced women in this world share: If a potential mate doesn't accept your reasonable requests - and you know he would have the means - politely say goodbye and move on. A man who doesn't recognise your value won't provide the quality you deserve in other areas of the relationship either.
The most successful connections are made where both sides are on the same wavelength right from the start. A serious businessman from the Stuttgart area or from Nuremberg who knows what a good companion is worth will be prepared to invest fairly - just like a company that wants to attract the best talent. Experienced women report Time and time again: if you settle for less than you want, you will be dissatisfied in the long run - and that harms both sides. A good sugar daddy understands that a satisfied partner is also the best result for him.
If you beg or try to convince someone who is clearly not ready, the relationship will be on an uneven footing. This rarely works - and it costs you energy that you could better invest in a suitable connection.
10. exceptions are allowed - if the chemistry is right
Despite everything, there are situations in which flexibility is smarter than stubbornness. Sometimes you'll meet someone with whom you have exceptional chemistry - a conversation that feels like an old friend, shared laughter, genuine interest in your goals. But he may not earn enough to completely fulfil your ideal vision. It happens - not every interesting man is a millionaire, and not every good match has to be perfect on paper.
In such cases, it can be worth being a little more flexible - as long as you feel comfortable with the outcome and your basic needs are met. A connection where you feel valued and respected is sometimes more valuable than one with perfect conditions but no real chemistry. Maintaining long-term relationships only works if the basis is right - and the basis is always the human connection, not the number on paper.
In the end, it all comes down to one thing: know your worth, communicate clearly and respect yourself enough to turn down connections that don't feel right. The best agreements don't come from hard bargaining, but from honest conversations between two people who know what they want - whether they're in Berlin, Leipzig, Lake Constance or a small town in Baden-Württemberg.
One final thought: The ability to speak openly and confidently about expectations is not only useful in suggest dating - it's a skill that will help you in any relationship, negotiation or area of your life. If you have learnt to communicate your value without apologising for it, you will appear more confident in any context. And that's what ultimately makes the difference between a good and a great arrangement - not the number, but the way it came about.
Frequently asked questions about the Sugardating agreement
Ideally within the first one or two meetings. Wait until you feel comfortable talking, but don't let too much time pass - otherwise you'll be investing energy in a connection whose foundations are still unclear.
Face-to-face conversations are usually more productive because you can read body language and facial expressions. However, a phone call or video call is a good preliminary stage - especially to get an initial feel and filter out dubious contacts.
More than just a number. A good agreement includes the frequency of meetings, the type of support (financial, professional, mentoring), exclusivity, shared activities and the emotional basis of the connection.
If your ideas are reasonable and he rejects them, it's usually better to move on. A partner who doesn't recognise your value from the outset will rarely be a respectful companion in the long term.
No. Your reasons for your expectations are your business. A respectful partner will accept your wishes without asking you to justify them. Anyone who does this is already showing a lack of respect.
Yes, flexibility can be useful - as long as your basic needs remain covered. A connection with good chemistry and slightly lower conditions is often more valuable than perfect conditions with the wrong person.
