Discretion is not an optional extra in an arrangement - it is the basis. Anyone who is active on dating platforms for high-end relationships shares personal information with strangers. It's unavoidable, but it doesn't have to be risky. With the right measures, you can protect your identity, your privacy and your connection - no matter which side of the arrangement you're on.
In Germany, data protection is not an abstract concept, but a cultural value. The GDPR has ensured that personal data is taken seriously - but in discrete relationships, the responsibility ultimately lies with you. We have already explained, how to recognise a false candidate. This article is about the next step: how to actively protect yourself before something goes wrong.
1. check what you show in your profile
Your profile on a dating platform is your shop window - but it doesn't have to reveal your entire identity. Profiles with photos get significantly more views, that's a fact. But there is a wide margin between „no photo“ and „face in high resolution with recognisable background“.
Use photos that show you attractively without immediately revealing your identity. A photo that shows you from the side, a cut-out without a face, or a picture with sunglasses - all of these work. Avoid photos that show your workplace, your home or recognisable places. A selfie in front of your employer's company logo in Frankfurt's banking district is a data protection disaster. The same applies to photos in front of the entrance to your home or in places you visit regularly - your favourite café in Dresden's Neustadt district, the gym in Hamburg-Eimsbüttel, the playground you go to with your children every Saturday. All these backgrounds reveal more about you than you realise. Equally problematic: photos that already exist on your public social media profiles. A reverse image search on Google is enough to find your Instagram or LinkedIn.
Once you have found someone you are interested in and have built up a certain level of trust, you can exchange more detailed photos via encrypted messenger. But only then - not before.
2. use a separate e-mail address
Your work email address usually contains your full name and your employer. Your private address is linked to your Amazon account, your gym and your health insurance. Both are unsuitable for discreet relationships.
Create a dedicated email address exclusively for your arrangement. Services such as ProtonMail offer end-to-end encryption and do not require any personal data when registering. Don't use a name that hints at your identity - „max.mueller.hamburg@protonmail.com“ is just as revealing as your real address. Instead, choose a neutral user name with no reference to your real name, date of birth or place of residence. Also remember: If you register with an email address on a platform and this address is later compromised, this only affects your dating account - not your work inbox, not your bank and not your insurance company.
Use this address for registration and for all communication with potential partners in the initial phase. This will keep your regular digital life completely separate. Those who use the best apps for discreet dating knows that digital separation is the first step towards security.
Profile photos with care
Use pictures that show you in an attractive way without revealing your identity. No recognisable places, no company logos, no photos that exist on social media.
Separate e-mail
A dedicated ProtonMail address with no reference to your real name completely separates your arrangement from your regular digital life.
Protect number
Only give out your real telephone number when there is genuine trust. Until then, use encrypted messengers with user names instead of numbers.
3. avoid WhatsApp - use encrypted alternatives
WhatsApp is the standard messenger in Germany, but it is problematic for discreet relationships. As soon as you give someone your WhatsApp number, they have access to your profile picture, your status, your online times and - if you haven't restricted it - your last online activity. What's more: Your phone number is linked to WhatsApp, and a lot of other information can be found via the number.
Telegram and Signal are the better alternatives. Telegram allows you to communicate via a user name without revealing your phone number. Signal offers the strongest encryption and automatically disappearing messages. Both apps enable secret chats that are not stored on servers.
In practice, it works like this: You meet someone on a dating platform. You exchange the first messages via the platform itself. If the interest is mutual, you switch to Telegram - where you communicate under a pseudonym. Only when you have met in person and a relationship of trust has been established do you share your real number if necessary. This gradual approach protects you from premature revelations. The following rule has also proven itself in practice: before you switch to a private messenger, you should have exchanged at least ten to fifteen messages. This way, you filter out the obvious time wasters and only invest your real contact information in people who are worth it.
4. get a second telephone number
Your mobile phone number is the key to your entire digital life. It runs your two-factor authentication, your WhatsApp, your online banking. Giving it to someone you've just met is a risk you don't need to take.
Apps such as Hushed or the German app Satellite make it possible to create a second phone number that is used exclusively for your arrangement. You can use it to receive and make calls, send text messages and be reached - without revealing your real number. If the relationship ends or you want to break off contact, simply deactivate the number. No residue, no traces, no connection to your real account.
For experienced men navigating between business appointments in Munich, dinners in Berlin and their family life, a separate number is not paranoia - but professional organisation. For young women studying in cities such as Hamburg, Cologne or Frankfurt, a second number also offers an additional layer of security. Whoever typical dating mistakes knows that sending the wrong message to the wrong person is one of the most common problems.
5. disclose personal information in stages
The temptation is great to tell everything about yourself on a first date - after all, you want to make a connection. But this is exactly where the danger lies. Once you've revealed information, you can't take it back.
In the first phase - i.e. before you have met in person - you should not share the following information: Your full name, your employer, your home address, the name of your university (as a young companion) or details about your family (as an experienced partner). Instead, use a first name or a pseudonym and keep the information vague: „I am studying in Berlin“ instead of „I am in my third semester of law at Humboldt University“.
Over time - after several meetings, when trust has grown - you can gradually share more. This gradual approach is not dishonesty, but a sensible protective measure. Even in conventional relationships, no one tells their tax ID on the first date. In an arrangement where the connection is often based on a clear agreement, caution is even more appropriate. An experienced man on platforms like sugardaddyGermany knows this and respects your restraint. If someone doesn't accept your boundaries and immediately wants to know your full name, address or place of work, that's not a sign of interest - it's a warning sign. You can also read our article about the Myths of this world, to be able to distinguish between reality and cliché.
Reveal identity in stages
Only share personal details when there is genuine trust. Pseudonym first, full name later - this approach is not dishonesty, but self-protection.
Protect location
Avoid photos with recognisable locations, do not share your live location and be careful with details that suggest where you live.
Prevent image search
Use photos that don't exist anywhere else online. A reverse image search on Google can reveal your entire online identity.
6. pay attention to your digital footprint
Every online activity leaves traces. If you are logged on to a dating platform, your browser may save cookies, history data and passwords. Use the private mode of your browser or - even better - a separate browser that you only use for this purpose.
Also pay attention to your social media profiles. If your Instagram is public and you post photos from the restaurant you went to yesterday with your date, your discretion is gone. Check your privacy settings on all platforms: Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Xing. Make sure that your profile cannot be found via search engines. In Germany, many people use Xing for professional contacts - a public Xing profile in combination with a dating account is a risk that can be easily avoided. Google yourself regularly: enter your name, e-mail address and telephone number in various search engines and check what is publicly visible. In many cases, you will be surprised how much can be found about you - and how easy it would be to remove these traces.
Another point: location data. Many apps share your location in the background without you realising it. Deactivate location sharing for all apps that don't need it. And never share your live location with someone you have just met - no matter how trustworthy the person seems. You can find more tips on this in our article on the keys to an uncomplicated appearance.
7 Trust your instincts - and act consistently
All technical measures are useless if you ignore warning signals. If someone asks for your full name, your employer or your home address in the first few messages, this is not a sign of interest, but a warning signal. A real sugar daddy who Characteristics of a gentleman respects your boundaries. A real sugar baby understands that discretion is important for both sides.
If someone pressurises you to disclose more than you are comfortable with, end the contact. If someone sends you screenshots from your social media that you have never shared, block them immediately. And if you have a feeling that something is wrong - even if you can't put your finger on it - trust that feeling. There are plenty of reputable partners on the scene in German cities like Düsseldorf, Stuttgart, Hanover or Leipzig. You don't have to get involved with someone who doesn't respect your boundaries.
Data protection in this constellation is not a one-off act, but an ongoing process. Check your settings regularly, update your passwords and stay vigilant. If you take the time to take your digital security seriously, you create the basis for relaxed, worry-free sugar dating - and that's what it's all about in the end. You can also read our article about this, whether both sides are happier in Germany - because safety and happiness go hand in hand.
Frequently asked questions about data protection
WhatsApp reveals your phone number, shows your profile picture, your online status and your last activity. Further information can be found via your number. Telegram and Signal allow communication via usernames without sharing your real number and offer disappearing messages.
Create a dedicated email with an encrypted service such as ProtonMail. Do not use a name that suggests your identity - neither your real name nor your date of birth or place of residence. Use this address exclusively for your arrangement.
Only after several personal meetings, when a genuine relationship of trust has been established. Until then, use a first name or a pseudonym. This gradual approach is not dishonesty, but a sensible protective measure.
Use photos that don't exist anywhere else online - no Instagram pictures, no Facebook photos. A reverse image search on Google can reveal your entire online profile. Show yourself attractively, but without recognisable places or company logos in the background.
A separate number via apps such as Hushed or Satellite separates your arrangement from your regular digital life. You can receive calls and send messages without revealing your real number. When the relationship ends, deactivate the number without leaving any residue.
End the contact. A serious partner respects your boundaries and understands that discretion is important for both parties. Asking for your employer, home address or full name in the first few messages sends a clear warning signal.
