The first message decides everything - and most men waste this opportunity. A simple „Hello, how are you?“ ends up in the digital wastepaper basket before the recipient has finished reading the sentence. In sugar dating, where attractive women receive dozens of messages every day, it takes more than politeness: it takes personality, precision and the right tone. A Frankfurt entrepreneur who sends a hundred messages on sugardaddyGermany and receives no reply is not doing something wrong - he is doing everything wrong. Whoever knows the qualities that characterise an experienced partner, knows: class is already evident in the first sentence.
1. why the first message is so important
Young women on arrangement platforms receive an average of 20 to 40 messages per day. Competition is particularly fierce in Munich, Hamburg and Berlin, where successful men all vie for the same profiles. On average, a message has three seconds to attract attention before it gets lost in the stream of others. These three seconds decide whether a conversation develops or whether your profile is forgotten forever.
The most common mistake: men write what they themselves think is charming without considering what actually appeals to the recipient. A „Hey, you're pretty“ may be meant as a compliment, but it comes across as unimaginative to a woman who reads this message twenty times a day. An experienced partner, on the other hand, will take the time to study the profile, formulate a personalised message and strike just the right note to arouse curiosity. Whoever 10 tips to attract younger women, understands: The first impression doesn't start with the meeting - it starts with the first word.
2. grammar and style - your business card
A spelling mistake in the first message is like a stain on a shirt at a business lunch - it is immediately noticeable and cannot be undone. Especially in Germany, where education and linguistic care are highly valued by society, an incorrect message signals a lack of effort. A young woman from a Hamburg university environment will immediately notice a grammatical error and draw her own conclusions: If he doesn't even make an effort when writing, how will he behave when we meet?
This does not mean that every message has to sound like a business letter. On the contrary - a relaxed but grammatically correct tone comes across more naturally than stiff wording. Avoid abbreviations such as „vllt“ or „k.A.“, write complete sentences and read your message out loud once before you press send. A businessman from Düsseldorf who writes „I saw your profile and found it interesting“ to his potential companion has already reduced his chances by half before the conversation has even begun.
3. the art of minimalism
The ideal first message comprises two to four sentences. No more. Anyone who expands on their entire biography in the first message takes away any room for manoeuvre from the conversation. A sugar daddy who shows more personality in three sentences than others do in twenty has understood how communication works at this level.
A good message contains four elements: a specific compliment that goes beyond appearance; a reference to something in their profile; an interesting detail about yourself; and an open-ended question that invites a response. Example: „Your semester in Milan sounds fantastic - I was there last year on business and fell in love with the city. Which neighbourhood did you love the most?“ This is personal, shows genuine interest and gives her a concrete point of contact. Copy-paste messages are recognised immediately - every partner on the platform has developed a keen sense of which message was formulated individually and which was sent to twenty other women at the same time.
4. read the profile - show genuine interest
If your message does not contain a single reference to the recipient's profile, you immediately give yourself away as someone who has only seen the photo. A sugar baby who has taken the time to write a detailed profile - with hobbies, travel destinations, professional ambitions - expects an experienced man to have actually read this profile. It's not about picking up on every point, it's about finding a detail that genuinely appeals to you.
A Munich property entrepreneur who reads in the profile that his potential companion is an architecture student can build a message from this that immediately generates a response: „I'm fascinated by your interest in brutalism - I've just seen David Chipperfield's new project in Maxvorstadt and had to think of just such conversations.“ This shows three things at once: he's read the profile, he shares a kindred interest and he lives in a world that appeals to them. We already know that an arrangement is no ordinary date - and that is precisely why the first message should be at a different level.
Grammar and style
Error-free messages signal education and care. A relaxed but correct tone is more attractive than stiff wording or careless abbreviations.
Minimalism
Two to four sentences are enough - a specific compliment, a profile reference, a detail about you and an open question form the perfect structure.
Positivity
An optimistic, light tone generates curiosity and sympathy. Negative topics such as past disappointments do not belong in the first message.
5. positivity and lightness
The first message is not a therapy session. An experienced man who talks about his loneliness, his divorce or his bad experiences with previous female companions in the first few sentences creates exactly the opposite of attraction. Positivity is magnetic - a media entrepreneur from Hamburg who writes with humour and ease will get more responses than a CEO from Munich who starts his message with a lecture on the difficulty of finding suitable women.
Keep your message optimistic and future-orientated. Instead of „I've seen a lot of profiles, but none have convinced me“, write: „Your profile immediately made me curious - especially your taste for Japanese cuisine. Do you know the Ono in Maximilianstraße?“ This is positive, concrete and gives her the feeling that you are really interested in her as a person. Also avoid exaggerated compliments about her looks - a sugar baby who hears every day how beautiful she is will no longer be impressed. Intellectual curiosity is more effective than physical admiration.
6. message and profile - one unit
No matter how brilliant your message is - if the recipient clicks on your profile and finds nothing there, all your work will have been in vain. A convincing first message and an empty profile add up to a wasted opportunity. Your biography, your photos and your message must tell a consistent story.
An engineer from Stuttgart who talks about his passion for architecture in his message should have photos in his biography that reflect this passion - in front of an impressive building, at an exhibition opening or while travelling. Good quality photos are crucial: selfies in the bathroom mirror convey the opposite of the lifestyle you want to represent. Invest in professional photos or ask a friend to take natural shots in an appealing environment. A Berlin entrepreneur showing photos of Soho House or a dinner at Coda tells a story without having to write a single word. The 10 keys to a hassle-free arrangement emphasise precisely this point: consistency between message and profile creates trust from the very first second.
7 The right time for the proposal
Many experienced men immediately want to impress with dating proposals - a weekend in St. Moritz, dinner at Schwarzreiter or tickets to the Elbphilharmonie. This generosity is basically positive, but the timing is crucial. Making a concrete date proposal in the first message comes across as overbearing and puts the recipient under pressure. It's better to start a conversation first, discover common interests and then - after three to five messages have been exchanged - make a proposal that builds on the previous conversation.
If she has mentioned that she loves Italian cuisine, suggest a particular restaurant. If she's studying art, invite her to a current exhibition. The suggestion should develop organically from the conversation, not seem like a preconceived offer. A sugar daddy from Cologne who writes after the third exchange of messages: „You mentioned the Kolumba Museum - there's a special exhibition on at the moment that fits in perfectly with our conversation. Would you like to go and see it together?“ shows attentiveness, patience and genuine interest. The different types of experienced partners also differ in the way they organise the transition from chat to meeting - and this is where the class separates itself from the average. Those who Typical mistakes at first meetings can avoid them from the outset.
Frequently asked questions
Spelling mistakes signal a lack of care and effort. In an environment where women receive dozens of messages every day, an incorrect message immediately attracts negative attention. Correct grammar conveys education, attention and respect.
Read the profile carefully and mention a specific detail - a hobby, a travel destination or a professional interest. Personalised messages are recognised immediately and generate significantly more response than generic compliments. This applies to every sugar baby as well as every other partner.
Two to four sentences are ideal. Too short comes across as disinterested, too long can be overwhelming. The perfect message contains a compliment, a profile reference, a detail about yourself and an open question.
No. An immediate date proposal comes across as overbearing and puts your conversation partner under pressure. Establish a connection first and after three to five messages, make a proposal that builds on the previous conversation.
Avoid short messages such as „Hello“ or „Nice profile“, negative topics such as loneliness or past relationships, explicit hints and copy-paste texts. Each message should be individually tailored to the recipient.
Crucial. The recipient will check your profile immediately after reading your message. Professional photos in an appealing setting, a well thought-out biography and consistent information together with a good message form a convincing unit.
